5 Simple Running Tips That Don’t Matter Anymore Because We’re All Going to Die in a Nuclear War Maybe as Soon as This Week

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Running is a simple sport that can sometimes seem awfully complicated. What should I wear? What should I eat? How far should I run, and how fast?
It’s enough to make you want to throw in the towel!

Never fear, help is here. Below are five simple tips that you can use to simplify your running life and that don’t matter anymore because nothing matters anymore because it’s highly likely that we’re all going to perish in a nuclear holocaust, thanks to a pair of erratic, hotheaded, blowhard leaders. Perhaps next week, perhaps tomorrow, perhaps before you finish reading this article.

1.  RUN THE WAY YOU NATURALLY RUN


A recent study found that the best running form for you is the one you’re born with. So don’t worry about changing your form. In fact, don’t worry about anything. Why should you, when total annihilation is imminent?

2. PARE DOWN YOUR GEAR COLLECTION

Do you really need a dozen pair of shoes and at least that many running shirts and pairs of shorts? Probably not. If you’re anything like us, you won’t realize how much all that stuff “weighs you down” until you get rid of it. Besides which, it will all be vaporized soon enough—along with you and everyone you love.

3. TRY RUNNING BY TIME, NOT BY DISTANCE

You’ll be surprised how much this one simple move can change how you run—and how much you enjoy it. Bonus: You don’t need a fancy GPS watch for this. Any simple timepiece will do. The Doomsday Clock, for example.

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